vampires Reviews

Phillip Marsh (Montgomery, AL) wrote on Amazon.com:
5 out of 5 stars Fabulously Campy, March 9, 2005
Reviewer: Phillip Marsh (Montgomery, AL) - See all my reviews
Are you looking for an intelligent movie? Then you defintely do not want to buy this DVD! However, if you are looking for the campy and zanie humor that results when you turn a backwater town full of the absolutely worst examples of trailer trash that you only see on the Jerry Springer show or the national news after a tornado rips through a mobile home park then this is the movie to buy. Fake vampire teeth, unknown cast, beer guzzling, bad country music, tripe and lots of good old country boys are just some of the features in this movie. My favorite line in the movies was, "Calculus IS a venereal disease." After Calculus 1, 2 & 3, Physics with Calculus, a whole host of engineering courses that used Calculus I am inclined to agree.

Chris Seaver from Low Budget Pictures:
Just watched the flick and LOVED it. Oh man it looks SWEEEEET!"
Chip Lamey of Video Crypt:
Catherine (Felicia Pandolfi) is a sexy vampire with an hilarious Russian accent who has come to the tiny rural town of Backwash to create an army of vampires. That's half the plot, the other is a Backwash family, the Poissiers (pronounced "Pisser") have just won a contest with a fancy magazine to have one room in their house redecorated. This brings Jean Claude Les Eaux (Scott Shanks) to Backwash. Initially, this "fancy lad" is a bit out of sorts with the Poissiers, but it doesnıt take too long for him to get into the swing of drinking beer, eating lots of beans, playing strip poker, and joining in with hillbilly pranks. Quite frankly this is one of the most enjoyable micro-budget films I've seen in a long, long time. For one thing, Iıve always had a special place in my heart for hillbilly films (Pigkeeperıs Daughter is one of my all time favorite movies!), so I love the premise. More importantly, the entire cast is amazing. Many of VCıs readers are already aware of the captivating presence of Felicia Pandolfi (as sheıs starred in Evilmaker, Evilmaker 2, and The Seekers). Once again, she gives a spirited performance. But, she's not alone. It's hard to believe this is Scott Shanks' first role, as heıs great as Jean Claude. The entire Poissier clan is superb. There's Rob Merickel as dimwitted Lil' Junior Poissier, Carrie Davis is hilarious as Ma Poissier, and Lindsey Hope is both sexy and tom boyish as teen daughter Eva Poissier. If anyone wants to remake any classic seventies hillbilly movies, Lindsey could easily star. Itıs hard to believe this is her first acting job, as she comes off as a seasoned pro. But, nearly stealing the show is Bill Bradford as the redneck dwarf Cletus. His performance is so over the top and funny that it deserves to be seen by those who wouldn't normally watch a movie such as Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires. Cletus is a truly funny character. I can't praise Bill Bradford enough. Director Joe Sherlock has the knack for keeping the jokes flowing and the action moving. There's never a dull moment. Plus, there are plenty of great extras with plenty of insight on how to make movies for very little money. Do hillbillies and vampires mix? Maybe not the way Catherine had planned, but, for me, there couldn't be a better combination. If your DVD collection includes titles such as This Stuff'll Kill Ya, The Year Of The Yahoo, Sassy Sue, Tobacco Roody, Southern Comforts, and, of course, The Pigkeeper's Daughter then you have to immediately buy Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires.
Baal-Peor from Screaming Stoner Video:
Now here's a really cool movie - Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires by Portland film director Joe Sherlock (aka: Dr. Squid). This remarkable take on the theme of vampires has been recently released by the incredible Sub Rosa Studios with a nice collection of extras that will satisfy just about any horror buff - don't miss it. The title alone is pretty self-explanatory but we were also very shocked by the well-developed and comical story mixed in with an ample amount of gore.

Deep the the woods of "Backwash" a sexy (and ancient) Russian vampiress named Catherine (played by Felicia Pandolfi) prowls the night with her trusty sidekick. As the unsuspecting town is preparing for the annual "Tripe Days Festival" local rednecks begin to act strangely as the seductive and feisty Nosferatu goes about assembling an army of the undead. Yeah, as you can already gather - most the townsfolk are becoming bloodsucking redneck vampires!

In the meantime at the Poisser shack there's an burst of excitement. Apparently Ma Poisser (Carrie Davis) discovers she has won a "fee room remodeling" from a magazine give-away no sooner than the fruity Jean Claude Les Eaux (Scott Shanks) knocks on the door to begin the redecorating process. During the strange carpenter's visit in the small town of Backwash he meets the perfectly fertile Eva Poisser (Lindacy A. Hope), the huge Little Junior Poisser (Rob Merickel) and the awe-inspiring dwarf Cletus (Bill Bradford) that could easily be considered the funniest character in the entire movie (if that honor hadn't already been stolen by the hilarious Felicia Pandolfi).

This 1071/2 minute motion picture reminded us of a mix between Inbred Rednecks by Joshua P. Warren and Monsturd by Dan West & Rick Popko (don't ask us why). That's certainly a good thing as we hold both these films in very high regard not to mention any form of "redneckspoltation" is always a welcome treat around these parts. The acting is well-done on the part of the entire cast with the outrageous Felicia Pandolfi stealing the show - we've got to see more movies in the future showcasing this talented actress.

Ah! Who could forget the tremendous music? This movie features great music by 2 Minute Miracle, Spider Honchos and Crush Cigars (and it makes us wonder). Our favorite is the track Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires that plays during the end credits (we love those theme songs, don't you?). Don't miss the vomitous and totally slapstick cameo by actor Jeff Dylan Graham as Lonnie Bob-Joe and Alan Winston as the adulterous partygoer. Does the general populace ever catch these diminutive details? Who knows...

Admitably this is the first Joe Sherlock title we've had the pleasure to review (this ought not to be this way) and the future looks bright for the talented Dr. Squid. For the most part, Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires is a Sherlock and Mike Hegg joint effort but also has the added benefit of being executively produced by both the super-talented Tim Ritter and "b-movie man" himself, Ron Bonk.

The Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires DVD has such extras as an 11 minute Behind The Scenes, a 10 minute Blooper Reel and a 2 minute Photo Gallery featuring some very cool production pictures. There's also a Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires Trailer, Chapter Selections and a full-scale Commentary track with both Joe Sherlock and Mike Hegg in which they converse about practically every aspect into the creation of the comedy. Quite a nice package.

Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires is presented in the 1.85.1 widescreen format with stereo sound.

Smoker's Soapbox: Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires is a downright funny movie. Granted there's a lot of "poo-poo humor" and fart jokes but those concepts are actually what makes this film what it is and the jokes are rendered in a genuinely funny manner. The redneck vampires had us laughing for sure and we're unquestionably looking forward to future titles from Sherlock so in the words of the amazing Pa Poisser - "Tarnation, woman - I'm trying to read!"

Get this flick, damn you.

Douglas A. Waltz for Cult Cuts:
Ancient, drop dead gorgeous vampire, Catherine is attending a party. Her familiar, Lendel, warns her that the vampire killer is among the partygoers and he's itching for a high body count. They take it on the lam and wind up in the backwater town of Backwash. It is here that Catherine comes up with her master plan. She will convert all the citizens into her undead minions. That way when the vampire killer tracks her down, she will have an army to destroy him. Meanwhile, it seems that Ma Poisser (pronounced Pisser) has won a contest from the magazine Bull Insemination and Home Decorating Monthly. Before we even get a chance to ask how do you inseminate a bull, who should arrive at the Poisser estate but world renowned interior decorator Jean-Claude Les Eaux. He has come to redecorate a room of the Poisser's choice. They choose the bathroom, which is so horrible that we never see what it looks like. Only the sheer look of terror on poor Jean-Claude's face can hint at what it must appear to be. While this is going on, Catherine is doing her best to infect the townspeople. Soon a large amount of Backwash residents are vampires, but thereıs one small problem. These people are too stupid to be vampires. If they aren't outside in full daylight, they're at the tanning salon. The penultimate act of stupidity would be the pastor of St. Festus The Gimpy Church. As he lowers himself into a nice hot bath, he mutters the phrase, ³God Bless this water.² You figure out the rest of that particular mess.

One thing I would change with the constant stupid vampire meltdown is the reliance on really bad CGI black smoke effects. Seems like a good old-fashioned fog machine or three big fat guys with cigars would give a more atmospheric effect and cost a lot less too. Add to this some shower peeping, and lots of bean eating and the accompanying fart jokes. There is also the horror of One-Eyed Lurlene naked. Let me take this brief moment to add to the descriptive horror, which is One-Eyed Lurlene. To say that this woman is big would be an understatement. To say that her flesh billows like giant, malignant scoops of lard would be kind at best. All I can say is that when I got to the poker game or the added chaos of the annual Tripe Festival, I experienced a horror comedy the likes of which hasn't graced my DVD player for a while. Of course, the madness of The Tripe Festival is where the vampire killer makes his presence known and the proverbial shit hits the fan.

This movie is great! No, really I mean it. The humor is the lowest common denominator type, which always makes me laugh. Adding to the comedy is the character of Cletus, who looks like a three foot corn dog without the stick. In other words, he's a dwarf and the funniest guy in the picture. He manages to steal every scene he's in. The women are either the big giant mamas you come to expect from rural life or theyıre the hot teen age daughter type that are very easy on the eyes. That is something that will never cease to amaze me about the current crop of micro budget films that are being released. Where are they getting all these gorgeous girls to be in their movies? It's not like they can afford to pay them large sums of money. Do they really think that appearing in BLOODSUCKING REDNECK VAMPIRES is going to lead to some big budget Hollywood career? Of course, Billy Bob Thornton did get his start in CHOPPER CHICKS IN ZOMBIE TOWN, so I can't really fault their logic. All I can hope for is that these women will be available for work when I get around to doing my feature film.

In addition to the film, we get a very funny commentary by the two directors, a featurette on the making of the film, a blooper reel and a photo gallery. All in all quite a nice package like we have come to expect from the good folks at Sub Rosa. This one is definitely a winner and something not to miss when checking out the video shelves. Ya'll come back real soon, ya hear?

Wren Leach of Monsters At Play:
As much as I hate to do this, folks, but I want to start today's review with a little bit of honesty. Now, I'll admit to displaying a little bit of hostility when it comes to a certain type of Indie horror film. Anyone who has read some of my other reviews probably has a good idea of the movies I'm referring to, so I'll refrain from name calling here. So, maybe you can imagine what flashed through my head when I opened my media mail package to find Sub Rosa's release of Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires. I was wondering what our Head Vampire had gotten me into this time and reading the back of the box did nothing to dissuade my preconceived notions of the title in my hand.

Honestly, why would my opinion change when the character list included a haughty vampire princess and her whipping boy of a familiar, Ma Poissier (pronounced pisser) and her incredibly unique family, a dwarf named Cletus, and a fruity Frenchman Jean Claude Eaux. Don't get mad, fruity Frenchman is a quote from the back of the box. The box also promised beer drinking, bean eating, shower peeping, competitive-fart, strip poker playing and even more insanity after that. Then top it all off with the annual Tripe Day cook off and beauty pageant. It all takes place in a little southern redneck town called Backwash. To put it plainly, folks, I was frightened. Some of our more optimistic readers may think that this sounds like great fun and if it came in a box with Bruce Campbell's name on it, I'd agree with them. Let's face it; I'm a bit jaded. There are some amazing indie filmmakers out there but there are also some filmmakers that are better intended than they are talented.

I was so intent on my immediate dislike for this movie that I managed to keep a straight (though somewhat astounded) face through the slowly delivered, yet unbelievably witty and bizarre dialogue. I refrained from laughing (though just barely) while Lil' Junior Poissier got the crap kicked out of him by Cletus. Considering Cletus only came up to his hip and had arms barely long enough to drink from a beer bottle, I think I showed amazing restraint. By the time I had gotten through a farting contest with Cletus clad only in boxers and suspenders, I was just about out of will power. When Ma gave Lil' Junior and Cletus a stern (but loving) talking to about not wanting them to get drunk and pursue any inappropriate relationships with sheep, the flood gates broke and once I started laughing I couldn't stop because the movie just kept coming. Just when I thought I couldn't be any more shocked at how far this movie would go, we got to the strip poker party complete with a woman named One Eyed Lurlene, who it just so happens charged past plump about twenty years ago. Once you see a woman that size (in nothing but her bikini underwear) squash a man's head like a melon full of corn syrup, there's no turning back. I laughed so hard we had to pause the movie until I could breath again. Also, don't forget that in between all of that the town is under attack by vampires!

This movie was such a surprise. It wasn't even in the same neighborhood of the Indie flicks I can be found ranting and raving about. Before I continue on, let me give some credit here for the writers and idea men behind this movie Michael Hegg, Joe Sherlock, and Ron Bonk, because they truly do deserve it. I would never threaten to slap their mothers. You really have to listen but the dialogue is pretty unbelievable! Not only that, but the movie looks great. Camera angles were excellent and so was the lighting and sound. The head-squishing scene has got to be one of my favorites since Joe Clark's chain saw sequence in Massacre. The effect they used was simple and extremely effective.

This movie doesn't have one single socially redeemable quality and it's a great movie! I can't remember the last time I laughed quite this hard. Now, I know that it's not considered PC to laugh at women with weight issues or little people in their underwear or under educated back woods type folks but damn it, it was funny! I hate to inform the public but most humor is at someone else's expense and this movie was written to be laughed at. In the special features, which includes an audio commentary, a behind the scenes featurette, a blooper reel, and a photo gallery, you can see the effort they put into giving this movie a comedic look, feel, and sound.

I highly recommend this movie to anyone who's into movie's with a non PC theme. Be warned that if you offend easily this is not the movie for you! I think my friend who watched this movie with me the first time had the best quote for this movie. When the credits rolled I asked him what he thought of it. He said that it was a little like seeing a busload of clowns burning on the highway. You know you shouldn't laugh or point but you can't help it and you just can't seem to tear your eyes away from the sight of it.

Bob Ignizio for Utter Trash
This is a fairly entertaining horror comedy shot with a fair degree of technical competence. Catherine (Felecia Pandolfi), a female vampire, is on the run from a modern day Van Helsing. She takes up residence in the redneck-riddled town of Backwash, where she decides to turn the residents into an army of the undead to protect her from the vampire hunter. Arriving in town at about the same time is Jean Claude Les Eaux (Scott Shanks), a gay French interior designer. Heıs been hired to re-do a back room for the Poisser (pronounced pisser) family, who are pretty much your standard hillbilly stereotypes ­ big and stupid junior (Rob Merickel), sexy and stupid daughter Eva (Lindacy A. Hope) and genial and stupid Ma (Carrie Davis). Paıs around the house somewhere, too, but doesnıt make an appearance until the end of the movie. Thereıs also a height challenged cousin named Cletus (Bill Bradford) who gets the best lines and turns in the best performance. Most of the gags are cheap and involve flatulence, boobs, midgets, extremely obese people, homosexuals and, of course, rednecks. The acting is pretty dreadful, but thatıs okay for a movie like this. In fact, it adds to the humor. Violence and gore are pretty minimal, but thereıs a fair amount of nudity, including some of the biggest breasts youıd never (and yes, I do mean never) want to see. The main problem this movie has is that itıs way too long at 108 minutes. Itıs like the director didnıt want to lose a single shot, so weıre treated to numerous scenes that go on long after theyıve made their point. While a more tightly edited version still wouldnıt be any kind of classic, it would be a much more entertaining movie. Iıd still recommend this for fans of dumb humor, but be advised you may be reaching for the fast forward button quite a bit.
The Portland Oregonian:
Starting small and on the run, the vampiress Catherine (Felicia Pandolfi) escapes a vampire hunter to a secluded town with her sidekick, where she gradually turns the yokel residents into a sizeable clan of night-walkers. Goofy, lighthearted and low-budget, the huge cast seems to enjoy the process of making a film, but the result is mainly for fans of campy horror.
John Oak Dalton for MicroCinemaScene:
Lowbrow horror/comedy has imperious vampire queen deciding to take over a backwoods town to raise a new legion of undead, unaware its citizens are too dimwitted to pose a threat to anyone but themselves. In spite of it all, a vampire bloodbath ensues at the annual Tripe Festival, with a few equally hapless country folk holding off the assault.

Joe Sherlockıs team-up with fellow director Michael Hegg spawned Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires, a raucous romp through many stereotypes and genre conventions. Viewers who find Green Acres and Petticoat Junction to be scathing socio-political satires of P.G. Wodehouse magnitude will find plenty to like here. Others should be warned that lots of baked beans are enjoyed, in all the ways baked beans can be enjoyed, and that strip poker is played with an alarmingly obese woman dubbed "One-Eyed Lurlene."

A big cast (showing off a lot of funny performances) seems to be enjoying themselves; of note are Felicia Pandolfi as the exasperated undead royalty, Warren EBB as her long-suffering minion, Rob Merickel as the eye-bugging Little Junior, Bill Bradford as his acid-tongued sidekick, and Carrie Davis as the matriarch of a (perhaps too) closely-related brood.

Where I found fault with Sherlockıs feature is in its production values; a lot of the shooting and editing was just average, with lots of master shots and long takes, and a patched-together finale revealing a few glaring shortcuts that appear to have been forced onto the project.

Although some of the production is as rough-hewn as the protagonistsı down-home cabins, there are still lots of laughs and fun to be had, in Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires.

Two and a half stars.

David Walker for Willamette Week:
Somewhere there is an audience for this film. Exactly who that audience is remains unclear, but you'll be able to find them at Sabala's Mount Tabor Theatre watching this shot-on-video horror comedy. Of course, the horror and comedy aspects are purely subjective. That isn't to say this tale of...well...bloodsucking redneck vampires is all bad, it's just not my cup of tea. As a lifelong lover of lowbrow entertainment (I actually have a favorite Toxic Avenger movie), Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires left me wanting more. More blood. More gratuitous sex. More politically incorrect humor. Instead, I got a film that flirts with being an all-out schlockfest, but never quite gets there. And while I wanted the film to deliver more, it would be nice if it did it in less time, as it runs a bit too long. But if you're a fan of B movies that push the boundaries of taste and conventional aesthetics, then this is the movie for you.
Evan James for The Portland Mercury:
What happens when you give a video camera to a couple of Oregonians with a frat-house sensibility for boring humor? I only wish it had been Girls Gone Wild; Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires. This film is excruciatingly slow, almost never funny, definitely never scary, and only marginally interesting (in the same way that sitting down for two hours and half-heartedly masturbating is interesting). It might be worth watching if you know the people who made it, but other than that, it's not worth anybody's time. (Though to the filmmakers' credit, the sound effect for the vampire bite is hilariously crunchy.) Fortunately for you (I guess), the premiere will be in a bar, so you have the option of getting completely shit-faced and unleashing years of repressed anger in a monsoon of cruel heckling.
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